Quiet enough to hear it.
In this edition of Out of Curiosity:
💡 How my very first honest-to-goodness epiphany taught me to listen for the rest.
✨ Simple but powerful questions for making space, easing the pressure, and listening closely.
💜 An invitation to make this the year we do some of that listening together.
I had my first ever honest-to-goodness epiphany as I sat on the sofa in my otherwise empty 1-bedroom apartment in Manhattan. I was 30 years old, in a season full of ambition for work, love and hopefully a family in the future. And, just a couple of days before, I’d broken up with my boyfriend of three years, and he’d promptly moved out. Once his stuff was gone, I’d scrubbed the place top to bottom. And once I was convinced that every square inch was dust-free (in truth, I think the aim was Matthew-free), I sat down. I had no one to talk to, and nothing left to do. So I just sat there, in the quiet.
And then. DING! If animated lightbulbs really did illuminate over our heads, one would have for me in that moment. I can’t remember if I said these words out loud, or if they spoke themselves to me inside my mind - but I remember exactly what they were.
“Huh. It’s better to be alone – WAY better, actually – than to be in a relationship with someone who is not a good fit. Huh.”
I was completely blown away by the utterly obvious statement and what it might mean for my life. And, I was deeply fascinated by my apparent ability to just suddenly KNOW something. To be certain of something that had previously been unreachable for me - and to understand it on a level much deeper than pure logic.
As the thought about aloneness vs. coupledom played over and again in my head in the coming days and weeks, it felt more and more true each time. I told friends, excitedly repeating the epiphany verbatim. From some, I got a placating, ‘That’s great!’ response. For others, I could see them barely restraining an eye roll that would say – ‘Duh. YES. FINALLY she gets it.’ But the reaction of others really didn’t matter. I just KNEW something I’d not known before, and I knew it would change everything. I hoped with all my heart that more of those epiphanies would come and help me make sense of my life. And I made a promise to myself to not let them slip by if they did.
I’m happy to say that kept that promise to myself - mostly as special mental notes in my head. And the other day, for some weird confluence of experiences and reasons, in a quiet moment, I found myself writing those moments down. Here are a few that stuck out for me:
I was on a sailboat bobbing at anchor and staring at the horizon when I let myself Know (with a capital K) that David was the person I wanted to do life with, even though on paper, we made little sense.
I was on a 6-week sabbatical from my high-powered, frenetically-paced job when I realised it was entirely possible to simply wake up one day and say ‘That’s enough of that.’
It was the first lockdown of COVID when I let a whisper that had been in my heart for some time get loud enough for the rest of me to truly hear. It said, ‘You would be a great leadership coach. And you would love the work.’
It was the second lockdown of COVID when I could feel in my bones the brevity of life, and as a result asked a question of David that would change everything: ‘What ever happened to that bucket list dream of sailing around the world?’
And most recently, during a quiet and star-filled night shift on our boat, I heard that voice loud and clear again. It said, ‘The story I’ve been telling myself about myself for the longest time – that I’m average – is simply not true and it never has been.’ ✨
This edition of the newsletter started as some random scribbles about one of the thoughts above, which led me to the next and the next. Then, in the process of quiet noodling on when and how these life-altering ah-ha’s happened, I noticed a pattern. Perhaps it’s even an epiphany of its own:
The quiet moments hold a lot of possibility…if you let them.
And so. As we step into August and the last days of summer, I’m wishing you pockets of quiet. Moments where your emotions don’t have to scream to be heard. And the wisdom to listen closely.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
Where in your day is there already a pocket of quiet you've been filling with noise?
What would it feel like to sit in that moment with no goal, expecting nothing?
What have you been quietly Knowing that you haven't yet let yourself fully hear?
BONUS CONTENT
Struggling to find the quiet moment? Not quiet sure what to do with it when you do find it? That’s totally natural! And I’ve got a tool that just might help. Click the button below to access a free 15 minute exercise that will get you on your way.
WORK WITH ME
Since I returned to land, my coaching roster has filled faster than I expected. I only ever work with a handful of clients at a time, and right now there is exactly one spot left to begin a partnership before the end of 2026. Once it's taken, the next opening won't come until January 2027. So, if you've been nodding along, and some quiet part of you is wondering whether this is the time, don't wait for the noise to get louder. Reply to this email or complete the form here and we'll find some time to chat.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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