So? How was it?!
In this edition of Notes from the Sea Suite:
❓The question I’d been dreading since the beginning of the adventure, and my current answer.
➡️ What’s next for this land-lubber, and for this newsletter.
“Hi! I don’t know if you remember me, but I cleaned your boat before you left last year,” the woman standing on the dock waved as she half-shouted above the hum of the engines that were yet to be switched off.
I felt a glint of recognition as I squinted at her through my sunglasses, the midday sun beating down on us both.
We were just in the process of finishing docking the boat. The surroundings were familiar, as we were in the marina in St. Lucia that we had departed from 16 months prior. But everything else felt a bit…surreal.
I double-checked the stern lines and simultaneously struggled to reply to the woman with the eager smile. I had a few other things on my mind. We’d just officially completed the challenge of a lifetime and I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I looked around for David so we could share the moment. He was on the bow, tying up loose ends. I waded through all of these competing thoughts and finally gave her a reply with as much warmth as my distracted mind could muster.
“Oh. Yes…I remember,” I replied as brightly as I could.
“So?!” she questioned. “How was it?!”
What happened next was unexpected and (if you know me) so very predictable at the very same time. Tears. Immediately and profusely. I lifted my sunglasses, wiped my brow and sobbed into my hands for a few seconds before croaking out, “Really, really good.”
I’m guessing that my ‘ugly cry’ was rather more than the woman from boat services had expected in response to her cleaning curtesy call. Poor thing. With a bit of distance though, I only feel lucky and laughs for the bundle of human emotions - pride, relief, achievement, joy, sadness, excitement, longing, love to name a few - that exploded all over the dock that afternoon.
In the months following that final docking, I’ve been asked that very fair question more times than I could ever count. At the school gate. In business meetings. At the GP. Everyone wants to know: How was it? What’s even trickier is that given the pace of life we all live in, I’ve usually got about 30 seconds to answer.
Thankfully for everyone involved, I’ve moved on from uncontrollable sobbing. My standard response to the impossible question has become the only word I’ve been able to find that it is truthful and even begins to touch the sides of what transpired. I now usually reply with one short but all-encompassing phrase: ‘Life-changing’.
Most folks say ‘I bet!’ and then ask what our favourite stop was. Also a very fair and fun question. (I can’t narrow it down to one, but Fiji is definitely on the ‘Must Sail and Explore Again’ list. French Polynesia, Cape Town, Namibia and the Amazon Rainforest also hold VERY special places in our hearts.)
And while I’ll never tire of reliving those memories, my favourite thing to dwell on these days is the 10,000 foot view of it all. The life-changing bit. Taking the question one step further than how the experience was, to ‘How am I different because of it?’
And what I can tell you so far is this: I trust myself more. WAY more. Which means I worry less when things go ‘wrong’. I put ‘wrong’ in quotation marks because when you live outside of your comfort zone every day for 18 months, you start to see a pattern. It goes something like this:
Phase 1: Oh shit.
Phase 2: Okay. We’ll figure it out.
Phase 3: Not ideal but we figured it out.
Phase 4: Actually, kinda glad it happened that way.
Back to Phase 1: Oh shit…(and repeat)
Rinse through this cycle often enough and you stop even saying ‘oh shit’ because you know the ‘figuring it out’ bit comes next. It always does.
To sum it up in a sentence, what I learned from sailing around the world is that trying to outwit uncertainty gives me a chance of surviving it, but building self-trust is what makes me capable of steadily sailing through it. Believe me when I tell you that I have spent SO much energy in my life trying to control, avoid or brace for uncertainty. (Big shout out to my longtime frenemies Perfectionism, Imposter Syndrome, Self-Doubt and Over-Preparing!) And whenever I found those efforts futile, I would resort to doing my best impression of a calm leader. Anything to avoid actually sitting in the discomfort that uncertainty can bring.
The beautiful paradox of it all is this though: it’s that very discomfort that makes building a foundation of self-trust possible. And when you’ve got a deep trust in yourself as a base to operate from, you get to stop performing leadership and start being a true leader for yourself, and for others.
The best news of all is that one doesn’t need to sail around the world to build self-trust. I should be noted that stumbled upon my deep well of self-trust in a pretty extreme way. In fact, I can see now that if I’d been paying close enough attention to my previous 47 years, I could have had loads more self-trust at my disposal before I’d ever left the dock. (C'est la vie!) And I’m not unique in that way. Because opportunities to explore the areas outside of our comfort zones, the spaces full of uncertainty, are available to us in a hundred ways, every day, right where we are. Many times, those opportunities are gifted to us without our consultation. Sometimes, they will pass us by unless we grab them. Whatever the case, we can choose to stop resisting them whenever we like.
And then, if we are really clever, we can start paying attention to how we always figure them out. We can notice how much progress and growth we’ve already made. Soon, that self-trust that was once quite elusive steadily becomes as familiar as an old friend. And like any good friend, we can feel confident that it will always be there when we really need it.
BONUS CONTENT
If you want to become a steadier leader in the face of uncertainty, Start. 👏Tracking.👏 Your.👏 Wins.👏 This is the single most impactful action you can take to build the self-trust that makes everything easier. If you are curious, you can download a free tool that I created that makes this game-changing habit it a 5min/week task.
📣 ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM THE SEA SUITE
I've resumed my 1-to-1 leadership coaching practice, but in a new way. Those 18 months changed me, and they also changed the kind of coaching I'm best suited to do. I’m now focused on supporting senior female leaders to lead themselves and others from a steadier (self-trusting) place when facing uncertainty and complex transitions. I work with only a handful of clients at a time, and a couple of slots remain to kick-off this summer. If you've been nodding along as you read this, that's worth paying attention to. You can learn more here.
I’ve re-opened my speaking work and will be taking on additional engagements from September 2026.
If you’re planning an offsite, conference or event (or know someone who is) my speaking details are here and you’re very welcome to get in touch.
3. And lastly, as I’m no longer IN the Sea Suite, it feels appropriate that this be the last edition of that version of the newsletter. 😢⛵️ The next time you see this newsletter in your inbox, it will be under its land-based name, ‘Out of Curiosity’. Still real-life stories and the most powerful leadership questions I’m considering, just a bit less salty than before.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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